cocohaven

i guess u cld say i've moved. 
well almost. still getting the hang of it but shall be doing more active posting there.. 

www.cococorrin.tumblr.com see u there! 

 the five languages of love. today a friend shared this with me. 
its not something new but when i first heard it, it was in passing convo. this time cause its on print, it sets in. 
"physical touch, gift giving, acts of service, words of affirmatiom and quality time"
and you have to show love in the manner that means most to the person you are loving, to fill points in the bank. and quarrels subtract it. 
and on ur part, its good to know how urs rank up too. 
im thinking about it. do you know whats urs? 

and i had this random thought. that in future. me n my hubby shld have clear jars placed somewhere in the home. 
when one party does anything for the other, place hearts into the jar based on ranking. 5 for the highest naturally. seems like a great way to show appreciation and serves as a reminder if i have been loving my other half. =) 

still thinking abt mine.. 

there was a time. long ago.. 
when i wld cry buckets if my dad was gg overseas. i wld see him off at the airport and eagerly await his arrival even if it was schedule at 2 in the morning. 
that was then.. 
now? i dont even notice if my dad doesnt come home till my mum tells me, he's overseas. 
and when she tells me he's back. all i can manage is. 'erm ok.' 

till now. i dont know where things took the turn. where this deep bitterness grew. where i realised. i hardly even care much. 
people ask me, whats ur dad doing for a living now? 
i say i dont know. with a shrug and a smile. 
i really dont know. and to some point, mayb im too ashamed to know whats he doing. 
its nothing less of decent. its just jobs that makes u shun them. too pushy and you lose friends, make the social situation awkward. stuff like tt. 
all for that 'dream' and 'future' and 'its what i want to do, wld i stop you from pursuing what u love?' 

if what i love, jeopardizes the life of more than 1 person, i'd think twice about it. 

like if i know, what im doing makes u unhappy, i'd think twice about it. 

like when i think im right but someone points out tt im not, and im hurting people while im not.. technically i wld stop in my tracks and think abt it right? 
why is it, with some people, the moment u oppose them whether nicely or aggresively, they launch into defensive mode. 
when sometimes all you want is a good meaningful chit chat to understand their rationale. but they launch into their defence and yes an argue follows. 

none the less. 
he asked me about my toe today. all i cld think of is, do u really care? 
if the foundation of the hdb block is being eaten away, whats the point of taking care of the paint work, the windows or the rooftop? 

and even though u are my other half. i dont think its a case of having someone to go through ups & downs with me. 
and im afraid tt with u. the things happening btw me and my dad. will happen to u and me. 
when everything fizzles out. 
when everything about yourself becomes so important, and ive become secondary. 
as it is now, some things between us, already seems to be fading. 

and you will never know how i feel. 
even when u say, u can talk to me what i never said u cldnt.
its not the same when u have an active listener and someone who wld share your feelings. as compared to just someone who listens. 

 sigh,
this day, was supposed to be a happy one. i already had everything planned out... 
food, activity and well basically it was gg to be fun. rarely do we get an anniversary tts on a weekend. 
but well. what anniversary is there to celebrate now..

and as much as i try to get distracted. im failing so badly. 
every where i go. something abt the places pops up a memory of  you and me. a happy one. 
and tt feeling. sucks. 
cos i know, it wldnt happen anymore. 
and then the tears will just keep coming from there out. 

i hate this.